My First Post

I thought this would be a good place to put down my thoughts on motherhood and the hopes I have for my children so I can remind myself in black and white why it is I wanted this job.
I wanted to be married and have children from a very young age so in 1999 at 22 I had my first son, Trevor. Less than two years later I had Tallon and two years ago I had Wesley. It is so great to have all boys! As not to offend anyone with girls, let me remind you that I am one and I don't need another one of me around:)
Trevor is my independent pleaser. He is first born so it is to be expected. He is a wonderful student and so smart. He is tenderhearted and sensitive. I know he will do great things if he puts his mind to it. He is a lot like me, stubborn, stubborn, and did I mention stubborn?
Tallon is my independent silly man. He loves to help me and give me hugs. All the girls love him and he is starting to figure that out. He does well in school but he doesn't do it to please like Trev, he does it because he has to. He is a joy and quite a character.
Wesley is my determined child. I say determined because he's not stubborn he's just dedicated to getting what he wants and doing what he wants to do. We laugh at it now as if it is funny business but I don't think it will be as funny at 4 or 5. I know he can speak in full sentencing he just chooses not too. I think he will nod his head yes and no until he is 4 and then just start spouting out paragraphs and telling me how to run the show. He is a loving baby when he feels like it.
The demands of motherhood are many and they are often exhausting, but I know it is best for my boys that I am home with them full time. That said, it is not the fairy tale job I had once dreamed it to be. The pay is small, the hours long, and the gratitude short but the payoff is worth it. I often ask myself "Am I doing my best? Will they turn out o.k.? Do they love me?" The answer to these questions is yes, but I don't always feel that way. It's amazing how you can beat yourself up every night when you go to bed. I always wonder if I was too hard on them or if I made them feel loved. It's tough! I know your thinking "Isn't it bon bons and Oprah all day?"( that was only a couple times last week:) It's not, I feel like I'm always busy and always behind at the same time.(Isn't there a country song about that?) Hopefully as I write these things down and reread them I will remember to slow down more and enjoy the time I have before it's gone.
Well, there it is, my opening statement of sorts. I hope I can keep myself accountable and motivated by reading this blog over and over to remind myself of my dreams for my boys.